The Great Raisin Attack of 2020

May 1 2020 Orla Coffey 5th Year

The ironically poised question “Any plans for today?” floats humorously around my house each morning, as if my mom is expecting a reply along the lines of “Yes, mom. I’m going to dig a hole to China, run a marathon, paint a Picasso and climb Everest, all before lunch time”.

The realities of our days spent at home in quarantine are, unsurprisingly, monotonous and mundane. Initially, a scramble for routine was certainly evident in my busy household, and a rota for jobs was established. Each family member carved out their new territory: an impromptu work or school station in separate parts of the house.

The working day in my household is intense; my mom ploughs away at work at the kitchen table, joined by my sister Emma prepping for first year college exams, my dad and I inhabit our study room, my eldest sister Maria hides out in her bedroom in the final stages of writing her dissertation and finally my youngest sister holds forth on the couch for RTE’s HomeSchool hub or can be found cycling repetitively around the garden.

In honour of our family surname, our home coffee machine is worked to exhaustion, fuelling each of our daily endeavours. A 2 km radius from my house provides ample options of routes for my early morning runs, which are a productive start to my school days. Going early also avoids the footpath rush hour which has only recently increased its footfall in my area, with stampede-like numbers lining the paths in what is surely a counter-productive response to the 2 km limit. My normal training has been replaced with home workouts, luckily made feasible by ample garden space and a well-established collection of gym equipment.

Four siblings in close proximity for long durations of time is a time-honoured recipe for disaster. My two eldest sisters have re-immersed themselves in a hobby that I thought had been retired ten years ago, but has recently resurfaced as a result of our unlimited free time, which is to AGGRAVATE ME.

Their latest attack came during a live Zoom class when I was viciously assaulted by raisins being flung at me from across the room. Defence barriers down and in no position to launch a counter attack, I was forced to succumb to the superior force I was facing and honourably accept defeat, trying not to flinch as raisins slapped me across the face. I recruited my youngest sister to my side of the playing field so I was no longer outnumbered. Although the eight-year-old admittedly lacked in deceptive techniques and substantial prank experience, I hoped her youth would shield us from the wrath of our elder sisters. This proved not to be the case and the sabotage attempts continue.

Though annoying, our sibling face-off is proving to be, as Maria herself put it, “the most fun I’ve had in months”, such are the dire levels of entertainment to which we have resorted during this quarantine.

P.S Any prank suggestions would be much appreciated.

Some raisins, yesterday.